The philosophers say that there is only the moment and all else
is illusion- but they are wrong. What was your love- the joys and
pain we shared- the beauty that we brought to each other -
the light in your eyes- the gaze that told me that your love was
eternal- and so deep- this will always be and it is the very reason
for my existence and all that means anything- and it is eternal.
-To Grandma, Tasha, Sindar, Toby & spirit friends
Anger- a volcano poised to erupt- and from
this anger- the truth
can emerge. From the shadow- will arise the passion to change.
A reminder of the truth of our being. Of who we are. Not how
They define us- you cannot and may not define us. We will
define who we are.
The price- the price of living a lie- the price of living the truth-
which would you rather pay? Never forget who you are.
When I think of past loves, imprinted on my
brain and psyche
is only one refrain- over and over again it repeats...No more
lies. No more lies. No more lies.....I wonder if I was ever
loved for who I am. A love undying- like mine.
Each day I am unsure what new health issue
may arise- slowly
but surely shattering that confidence or illusion that I can face
the world without help. Yet I can still do many things and I
refuse to totally give into fear. Just being in the moment is enough.
Only a year ago I felt I could take on the world. Now I am trying
to gain control of myself- my body- my mind.
Part of the spiritual path is the acceptance
of death. Yes, one
recognizes the continuity of spirit and that death is in some sense
moving from one plane to the next- a kind of shift in consciousness.
Life itself is an illusion and all is but dreamed and the dreaming
worlds more real than the physical- though the two subtly merge.
I do not believe that this is my time to die. Yet I must learn to accept
its inevitability and truth- or any spiritual pursuit will be less than
full, if not quite empty. I don't believe there is any other way to
Love is the unconditional support of someone’s soul. It is
unshakable desire to see them become what they were meant
to be, yet accepting of who there are now. It is unmoving, and
remains when all else is gone- whether that is youth, health,
mind and even life.
I do have a sense of what is
right- often this is subtle and beautiful-
there is so much rightness in a spider's web, a drop of dew,
the gentle flowing of a brook and the soft words of trees.
I hear so much and there is so much to hear and so much love.
I have stepped through the looking
glass- lost in a world where
magic is real, love everywhere and even pain is beautiful.
Once the stuff of dreams- barely glimpsed-it is now my only
reality. And as strange as it sounds, I mean every word I just
wrote. Which might make me insane- but comfortably so.
It is no longer an experience. It is my
reality. Respect me
for what I am. Give and receive life. I have no need for
perfection- we are all of each other. Walk the Earth in
wisdom and peace. You come from the stars. Do not
forget where home is. I will not let you fall. Be careful
with boundaries- some are meant to be crossed- some
are not.- From the plants.
In the mind of God- we are all one. There is
consciousness. There is no time. There is no time. We are all
one. There is love, but the overwhelming sense is oneness
There is no duality- and there is no
non-duality. There is no
existence and there is no non-existence. At the stroke of my pen-
I speak falsehood and bring duality- where there is none. The
limits of language you know well.
But...the great primordial energy of existence exists in that infinitely
small, yet infinitely powerful and creative place that is at the
boundaries of existence and non-existence- duality and non duality,
life and death. And as our consciousness extends to this- we have
something remarkable, unexpected and intellectually unsettling-
not the illusion of choice- but choice- the creative essence of the
universe is there- it can be tapped into into. We are one, because
we are nothing- we don't exist, yet we exist infinitely.
I am at the center of the Universe. I am
where all creation comes
into being and dissolves. At the edge of existence and non-existence.
It is dark- yet suffused with the creation’s light. I feel incredible pain-
I feel the mother’s pain as she gives birth. Immersed in pain I begin to
heal. Pain is transmuted- as water to wine or wine to water.
Judgment gives way to acceptance and compassion. Fully Abandoning
is false I can now embrace the true. Finally I can fully manifest
who I am.
In the darkest night there is light. In the abandonment of hope,
there is hope. There is no pain to great and love to small.
I am at the dark night of the soul- yet I
have not rejected- I walk
between worlds- living in both light and darkness. The transmuting
of pain is my birthing into a new life.
wrote in Leaves of Grass, that his work has, "mainly been the outcropping of
my own emotional and other personal nature- an attempt, from the first to
last, to put a Person, a human being (myself, in the later half of the
Nineteenth Century, in America) freely, fully and truly on record."
Whitman has not been the inspiration of
earthrenewal.org, but the web site, spanning over six years of my life, is
evolving to just this. My writings are interspersed throughout the site.
What I quote and link to is more often than not a reflection of what I
believe is important and worthy. Even a cursory reading of the site makes no
bones about my likes/dislikes/fears; hopes and suffering; feelings toward self, children-
young and old; and political, education, environmental, social and
religious/philosophical views- defining in part who I am.
Earthrenewal.org is about the free
expression of life and search for truth- it is an impassioned plea for the
fulfillment of mankind's potential and a warning of what may lie ahead if we
continue to turn away from our own humanity.
I love life and this web site is a plea to you and
others to love it equally or more- to cherish all that is human and good- to
fight for who you are and what you believe. We come into and leave this
earth with nothing but our eternal souls and naked fragile bodies. We are here
to learn what it means to love. Everything else is insignificant.
The Earth is my heart. My purpose in life is to
bring healing, so that the tree of life may become strong and the Earth will
be healed. The lines of healing go back to our ancestors and those unborn.
All is spirit.
Below are two images that have shaped the twentieth
century and my own personal identity. One is the yellow badge, a symbol of Nazi
persecution of Jews and the other is the pink triangle, a symbol of Nazi
persecution of gay men and today of gay pride. A victim perhaps of
human persecution, yet secure in God's love.
Finally, while this web site expresses my views and
sometimes sadness about the world and the human condition, I must also
remember the words of
Don Clark, a gay psychologist and author of the classic
Loving Someone Gay.
"I also am required to use my own compassion when looking at cynical
leaders. It causes me to see their insecurities and their ignorance as well
as their greed and their disdain for the many people they consider to be
worth less. How can I not feel sorry for them? They are dangerous people and
must be dealt with accordingly but they are also missing out on the peace
and love that could have filled their lives. They fail to understand the
necessity of diversity in a balanced life. Lacking that vital understanding,
their lives are not satisfying. They grab for more – more power, more
wealth, in vain attempts to fill the emptiness.
I am reminded that I must reach out to such
people and offer information that can lessen their ignorance and with
friendliness that can ease their fear or quiet their insecurity. When they
are less fearful, they are less dangerous. I cannot always rally the
necessary amount of compassion when faced with their awful hatred but I do
it when I can. They need it badly.
Readers who follow my work know that I believe
that the first responsibility of gay men and lesbians is to explore and tell
our individual and collective gay truth to one another. It leads us to see
our place in the ongoing varied human family. We must throw off the shell of
identity taught to us and forced upon us early in life.
Finally, as I think about my life and my dream for it,
I am reminded of the words of George Bernard Shaw:
This is the true joy in life, the being used for a
purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature
instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances
complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long
as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.
I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more
I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me.
It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and
I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to
Man and Superman by George Bernard Shaw